The beauty of Children

Today was not a good day. I'll spare everyone the details, but it was not a good day. As I sat bawling about today's 'events', Nicholas walked up to me. Our conversation has changed me forever.

He said, "Mommy, are you okay? Mommy, are you sad? Mommy, are you hurt? Mommy, did I make you sad?". The look on his face I can't even describe. Heartbroken is probably the best word for it. I hadn't said anything to him since the crying started, but some how in his little 3 year old mind, this was his fault. First I felt like I had failed as a mother-that my child could see me cry and assume it was his fault, that I let my child see me so broken in the first place, that I ever let myself be in a position to BE so broken (again). All I could see was failure. What have I done that would make him think that??? What came next was gratitude. That I have been given a child who is so intuitively caring is truly a gift.
"No, sweetie, you didn't make me sad. You make mommy very happy." I said.
"Why are you crying mommy."
"Sometimes things happen that make mommy sad, but they aren't your fault."
"Can I make you happy, Mommy?!"
"Yes, sweetie, you can make mommy very happy. You can go pee in the potty, that would make mommy VERY happy!"
"Okay Mommy, c'mon I'm gonna use the potty!!!"

LOL, soooo yeah I kind of killed it by manipulating him into using the potty, but he's been the best his been in weeks the rest of the afternoon. I guess he could tell it wasn't a good day for Mommy and he was trying to be nice :)

Anyway, my life changing moment...tiny moments of weakness can have a profound and lasting impact on those around us. Yes, I know its important that kids know their parents are real people too, but I don't ever want to be the cause of that look on Nicholas's face again. My new goal-the act rather than react when the kids act up, and to make sure to tell them more how much I love them and how happy they make me just by being them.

Life-never what you think its going to be...

This paragraph started as part of my 'update' post, but it really needs to be revised and to keep the dates in correct order, I decided to give it its own post...

For those that saw my 'other post', I'm sorry to have roped you all into the drama that seems to pop up just when I think things are going well. Life is what it is and its just something I have to learn to live for now. I'm trying to have faith that the Lord really is doing this for my own good and I'm going to be better off in the long run after I've faced all this, but some times it hard to have eternal perspective when you are struggling to get through the minutes each day. Thank you all for you love and support, it means more than you can ever know.

Playing catch up!

Once again, I fail at blogging LOL! But since I can't give anything up until I've gotten it 'right' (with the exception of driving stick-I did give up on ever being good at that) I'm going to try AGAIN.

The biggest news-Alice LeeAnne was born May 21st at 4:47pm. I think she was trying to find balance of the worst parts of my labors with Nicholas and Drew. She took longer than Drew, but not as long Nicholas, however, she was by FAR more painful than Drew. *Someone* forgot to warn me that the crazy red-headed anesthesiologist (who we'll refer to as 'CRA') is more likely to cause me permanent spinal damage than to administer an epidural properly. So I went through getting needled in the back for AN HOUR only to end up STILL in pain.

The pain was finally ended by a miracle :) My OB was in emergency surgery so his partner had come to check on me (I think the yelling was starting to concern my nurse so she must have called him-laboring while stuck in bed with no pain relief is a little painful,just sayin.) Anyway, turns out he does his own epidurals. Now, when a doctor looks at a previous doctor's work and says "What the heck is all this?!?!?" (referring to the ROLL of medical tape CRA used on my back during my failed epidural) you know someone screwed up. So like an angel of mercy and the devil incarnate wrapped into one he ripped ALL the tape off my back, shot me in the spine with something else (yes I was in too much pain to care what he was doing to me so I didn't ask what he gave me) and like magic, THE PAIN WAS GONE!!!!! WOOHOO!!! 10 minutes later, Alice decided it wasn't any fun to stay inside if it wasn't torturing mommy, so she finally made her appearance. She was as perfect looking as the boys and weighted in at 7 pounds even and 19.5 inches long-making her the tiniest of my 3 babies.

Many times over the past 3 years Ryan and I have mused over what a female version of Nicholas would be like (since he's more dramatic than any little girl either of us have ever known). Well now we now-her name is ALICE! Don't get me wrong, she's my perfect dark-haired, blue eyed beautiful baby and I love everything about her (did I mention her DARK HAIR?!?!? WOOHOO!), but I'm more than slightly afraid of her growing up. But for now I'm just enjoying everything about her because I know before I've had a chance to catch my breath she'll be all grown up and I want to enjoy every minute of my little girl.

Nicholas is an interesting kid. For all his "me me me"-ness and his constant need to be the center of attention he is also a fantastic big brother. Never once have we had sibling rivalry issues with him and Drew or him and Alice. He and Drew really are best friends and if they are apart for any length of time, it really wears on both of them. Nicholas loves helping with the younger kids, and especially loves teaching Drew how to do things. Thankfully for right now everything he's teaching him is pretty harmless, and in some cases actually good for him. I'm sure that will change eventually LOL!

Drew, I don't even know where to start about my Drew-Drew. Drew really doesn't stand a chance in the attention department with Nicholas and Alice as siblings, but some how he doesn't seem to mind. Ryan and I make a special effort to spend one-on-one time with him every day (in addition to time spent with everyone together) so he doesn't get totally eclipsed by his much more attention-needing siblings. Drew is magic :) He's the light in my dark times when Nicholas and Alice threaten to steal my last bit of sanity. Heavenly Father definitely knew what he was doing when he sent Drew. He's an amazing kid.

Oh, and I'm happy to update that my business "Two Cheeky Monsters" is doing well and is currently stocking with these first two group and will be stocking soon at the third...

Creative Mamas
Stop, Shop, Drool
Nectar

My individual store will be stocking again in September :)

My 'other' blog...

This is mostly copied from my starting post on my new blog...

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I decided while updating our family [this] blog that I really need my own space for things other than cut and dry updates on our family. I'm not making [my new blog] private, but this way people can choose if they wants 'just the facts' or if they want the full details of what's going on from my perspective :) Plus, this way I have some place to write without worrying about hurting people's feelings. We don't all have the relationships we want with our family members and that can lead to hurt feelings, so if you read [my new blog], please don't take anything negative I [may] say personally unless I actually call you out and say 'Hey so-and-so, this is for/about you!'

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Feel free to check it out if you want at http://theedgeofcrazy.blogspot.com/ , but fair warning-it may be just rambling and complaining or knitting and cloth diapering chatter, its my new place to talk about whatever is going through my head that day :)

Poor Nicholas...

We ended up coming down to Phoenix Thursday night instead of Friday night and that meant we got to see my mom one more time before she left for Germany. We figured Nicholas would take her leaving pretty hard, but I wasn't prepared for the disappointment in his face every time he mentions Grandma and we remind him she's on her way to Germany. In all likelihood he won't get to talk to her again until she gets home on the 12th which will officially be the longest time he's gone without talking to her or seeing her either in person or via video chat :( We keep trying to explain where she is and where she's going and while he repeats "Grandma's on an airplane, Grandma's going to Germany" I don't think he really understands. We decided to go over to Cabelas tonight to let the boys have some time out of the house and when we got back Nicholas came in and said, "Grandma!!! Where are you??? Grandma, are you here???" I know its mostly pregnancy hormones, but I nearly cried as I saw the look on his face and had to explain, again, that Grandma was still on the plane to Germany. Poor little guy. He stole my mom's make up bag before she left (no worries, she got the make up out of it first!) and her old work ID badge and keeps carrying them around with him. In fact, they had to come to Cabelas with us too because he couldn't leave them at the house. We've been tracking her flight progress all evening, but now the plane is out of FAA covered air space so we don't have the flight path tracker to watch anymore so he's upset about that. I just don't know what to do for him but cuddle him and tell him Grandma loves him and will be home next time we come to visit.

At the moment I think its a toss up as to who's worse though-Nicholas or my dad. Since Ryan has his own means of transportation home I'm thinking about keeping the boys down here for a couple more days so he has company in the evenings. He and my mom have NEVER been apart this long in their 26 years of marriage and he doesn't seem to know how to function properly without her here (kinda funny, but also kind of sad.) My mom won't be in contact much during the trip either so that makes him even more nervous. Who would have thought travelling could be so stressful for the people NOT actually traveling?!?!

And we have internet again!!

We seem to not be very good friends with our modems up here. Not half an hour after I posted last we fried our second modem in like 6 weeks! I know it shouldn't be such a huge deal to be without internet, but I had 3 different things that NEEDED to be taken care of that couldn't be handled until today *bangs head against wall*. So cross your fingers that Jennifer can still dye my pretty yarn and Jenn still has the cloth dipes I wanted to buy from her!

As always happens, the boys are feeling great and now I'm getting sick, again. I'm not sure if its just allergies and pregnancy stuff or an actual illness, but my head is about ready to explode and my stomach isn't tolerating much other than toast, water and juice. So much for making it to RS tonight :( So Ryan gets to take my sour cream down to the building with him (he has presidency meeting at the same time) and I get to sit at home and be miserable and pray the boys behave. I think I may have to pull out Wall-E to help LOL!!

No more sick babies!!!

Finally, both boys seem mostly recovered from our recent bout of the sickies! Both still have small coughs, but I can handle that LOL! Nicholas is very happy Drew is feeling better-he's missed being able to play with his little brother :) I seem to only have gotten a mild version of what they had, for which I am very grateful! Alice is still kicking around, doing her best to have me in the bathroom as often as possible and I have the icky glucose test a week from today. They only had the orange flavor not the fruit punch so we'll see if I can keep it down. I know I'll most likely fail since I did with both the boys, which means I have to do the even nastier 3 hour test in a couple more weeks. Ah the joys of pregnancy! Ryan is having fun learning to drive big rigs at work. I don't know what the long term plan is for him, but its good for him to have his CDL either way so he's not worrying about it for now.

So now that the boys are feeling better they are back to wrecking the house, which means I should get back to cleaning up after them :D A mother's job is never done!

New this week...

For the first time ever, we got snowed in!!! The winter storm(s) that are coming through our area have been brutal! Monday it was so bad we had to call and cancel Drew's doctor's appointment because the van wouldn't make it down the hill from our house. Today it's mostly melted, but now everything is a muddy mess. The boys and I are headed down to Phoenix in a little bit and Ryan is coming down Friday, just in time to miss the next winter storm that's supposed to dump more snow on us. Hopefully we can get home okay on Sunday!

I also had my 25 week OB appointment today, all was well and the ultrasound tech double checked (since we didn't get a great view the first time) and Alice is definitely still a girl :D

Fun times in town...

So today we FINALLY made it into town for a playdate NOT tied to a doctor's appointment!! Okay that's not really true, but the doctor's appointment got cancelled (apparently doctors take sick days too-who knew?? lol!) Nicholas had been so excited to go play with Tyler I didn't want to disappoint him, so we made arrangements to go over a little later in the morning for them to play. Nicholas had a great time and didn't want to leave! Drew was better than expected, but still a little whiney. After finally getting Nicholas back in the car, we went to have lunch with Ryan. Drew fell asleep in the car which meant picking up fast food and eating in the car, but that gave me a chance to run into the yarn store sans kids, so it worked out well :) I needed more of a yarn I bought Saturday for a project for Alice (I changed the project after buying the first yarn so I needed more than I originally bought), but what took less than 5 minutes on my own would have been more than a half an hour ordeal if I had taken the boys in. Thankfully there was enough of the dye lot I needed left and I'll be able to finish the project with no problem and may even have enough left for a hat!

Tomorrow we are heading to Flagstaff to visit some friends who are in town from Utah. Its supposed to snow Saturday so hopefully it doesn't make our trip home too bad. I'm sure we'll take lots of pics so hopefully Ryan will get those up next week. I've officially put Ryan in charge of posting pics to the blog since he's the only one that seems to manage getting them on to the computer in the first place :) He also has some cool pics of him and Nicholas out chasing cows today to post. Its kind of cool living out in the sticks and getting to see animals. Definitely not something you see living in the city!

Here are a couple recent pics of Ryan and I and the boys. These were taken on 1/25/09 during our car break on our way home from Phoenix. We got stuck behind an accident on Hwy 93 and so we had to let boys out to run for a bit. They aren't the best, but at least they're recent!

Our coming addition!

For those that don't know, we found out last September that we were unexpectedly expecting again. In early January we found out that we are finally adding a baby GIRL to our family! Since then we've been busy picking up thing here and there for her and reveling in all things girly for the first time :) Its been a lot of fun and we're looking forward to finally having a daughter (and evening the boy-girl ratio a little bit LOL!)

We're also happy to announce that the baby finally has her name! Alice LeeAnne Christensen will be joining our family sometime around May 25th. People so far seem to either love or hate her name, we haven't had too many that just 'like it' LOL! Most likely, we'll probably call her Ali when she's little, but we won't know until we meet her. It was quite a turn of events in naming her, but we think its the perfect name for our little girl and hope once she is here everyone will come to love her name as much as we do.

In honor of Baby Alice and Valentine's Day, we're giving the blog a girly look for a change :)

Back again!

So I'm really bad at this blogging thing but with yet another baby on the way and even less time to make phone calls/send emails updating people on life with us. I'm going to make a better effort this time!

Since we moved to Kingman, life has changed a lot! Ryan's doing well at work and got his CDL permit a few weeks ago. He's also the 2nd Counselor in the Elders Quorum Presidency in our ward and tries to be as involved as possible, despite our crazy travel schedule over the holiday season. As always he has several 'projects' he's working on, but this time around he's getting Nicholas in on the action! Nicholas loves hanging our with Daddy and wrenching on toys with him :) Okay so mostly he just runs around playing with rocks or whatever else is outside, but if you ask him he's 'helping Daddy"!

Nicholas will be 3 in April and is doing great! He's finally mastered picking up his toys without help, which is great news for Mommy because boy does he know how to make a mess! He's a great big brother too! I'm always impressed with how good he is with Drew. In general, Nicholas is turning out to be a pretty sweet kid and we're very blessed that they get along so well! Now if only he would get over his weird food aversion phase we'd be great. I've had to start getting very creative in my cooking to try and get him to eat and its still a battle everyday, but hopefully with persistence it will get better eventually.

Drew turned 1 in December and is still growing like a weed. He's walking and running all over the place and in his new found independence loves to unload our cabinets and utensil drawers. Thankfully he's also learning to listen when we tell him 'No' so that helps. He's teething like crazy with makes him crabby (his teething necklace didn't make it home with us last time we were in Phoenix), but we're managing. His favorite moives are Wall-E and anything Harry Potter and when I really need to get something done around the house I've been known to use them as a distraction (hey I've got to get the dishwasher loaded somehow!) Over all, he's a pretty happy little guy with an infectious laugh. It hard to ever get mad at such a cute smile :)

As for me, pregnancy is, well pregnancy LOL! I'm glad I won't have to do it again for a LONG time! Now that the holidays are over January is gone too I really need to get everything in order for the baby (all baby related things will get their own post after this one). Ryan has been great at helping get the boxes sorted in the boys room, but I still have loads of old clothes to go through to figure out what needs to go and what can be saved for Drew. With them being born in opposite times of year we've had to buy lots of stuff for Drew but now that he's getting bigger I should be able to use some of Nicholas's 18m stuff for him. I'm hoping by this time next year we'll really be getting good use out of Nicholas's old stuff for Drew. In the mean time it's been fun buy new stuff and getting to dress them alike! On top of all that, I'm having to really buckle down and go through ALL my craft stuff and finish up old projects to get them out of boxes before the baby gets here. Its hard somedays because I really want to work on new stuff for the baby, but this stuff really needs to get done with first! I had over 10 crochet projects just in one box that were in various stages on (in)completeness. Some are going to be lost causes that end up being ripped out and the yarn used in other projects but I'm trying to finish up as much as I can.

Well I think that covers most of what's up with us. Our house was bitten by the Twilight bug in December and that's been fun reading the books, but Ryan's been too busy to read much and its hard to keep my mouth shut LOL! He's just over half way through Eclipse so hopefully he finishes soon! Stephenie Meyer's other book, The Host, is amazing and I recommend it to everyone, even those who aren't Twilight fans. If you haven't read it, definitely pick up a copy-even my dad loved it!